Part 3: The Maiden of Stars vs. The Duo

SCENE II: A Courtyard within Elsinore.
(Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN. They are dressed in identical, slightly too-tight tunics, shuffling nervously. They bump into one another as they attempt to stand in a dignified manner. Enter OPHELIA, her celestial raiment now shimmering with an aggressive, violet hue. Her staff, Missiletainn , hums like a swarm of angry hornets.)

GUILDENSTERN
(Whispering)
Is that she? The one who turned Osric into a toasted marshmallow? He’s still in the infirmary babbling about the northerly wind.

ROSENCRANTZ
(Nodding vigorously)
The very same. But remember, the King says we are to "glean" what afflicts her. We must be subtle. Tactical. Like twin shadows.

OPHELIA
(Her voice booming, shaking the masonry)
I see you, shadow-creatures! The twin moons of mediocrity have risen! Do you come to test the "Maiden of the Glittering Stars," or do you merely seek a swifter path to the afterlife?

ROSENCRANTZ
(Stepping forward with a shaky bow)
Most... mega-powerful lady! We are but your humble servants. We were sent to... to...

GUILDENSTERN
(Interrupting)
To inquire! Yes, to inquire why you look so—if I may be so bold—overpowered this afternoon. It is a most heavy burden, is it not? To be so "OP" in such a "low-level" court?

OPHELIA
(A crackle of Aqueous energy dances between her fingers)
Incompetent puppets! You speak of burdens while you dangle from the King's strings! You are but two sides of the same counterfeit coin. My "True Power" demands a sacrifice of the mundane, and you two are the most mundane things I have ever beheld!

ROSENCRANTZ
(To Guildenstern)
I think she’s onto us. The "subtle" approach is failing.

GUILDENSTERN
(To Rosencrantz)
Quick, the pincer movement! You go left, I go—also left!

(They scramble over each other, creating a tangled mess of limbs at Ophelia’s feet. They are a "boss fight" that glitched before it even started.)

OPHELIA
(Raising Missiletainn high)
Enough of this buffoonery! Feel the weight of the heavens! Behold the Aquatic Supernova of the Twin Martyrs !

[Alarum. A deafening roar of starlight and rushing water fills the courtyard. A massive whirlpool of celestial energy erupts, spinning the duo around like laundry in a gale.]

ROSENCRANTZ
(Spinning wildly)
O, I am out of my depth! The "Aqueous" energy is quite damp, Guildenstern! My stats are draining!

GUILDENSTERN
(Being pelted by glowing star-fragments)
I cannot tell which way is up! Is this the "Luminary" effect? It is very bright! I repent my ambition! I should have stayed in Wittenberg!

OPHELIA
(Chanting over the chaos)
"Out, out, brief candles!" You are but walking shadows, a poor duo that struts and frets their hour upon the stage and then are heard no more! Be washed away by the tide of my destiny!

[With a final, explosive flash, the duo is launched over the ramparts and into the palace moat with a synchronized splash.]

OPHELIA
(Closing her tome with a satisfied thud)
Two shells without a pearl. They lacked the "stat-growth" to survive my presence. The courtyard is cleansed, and the stars grow ever hungrier for a real challenge.